i forgot how warm it felt to hold you close to me.

you know, it just occurred to me that i seem really different online.
that's so weird. haha but i'm happy right now. i just hope i don't repeat whatever i did.

go away./come in.
oh and i totally need a change of wardrobe!
i bet i have the most BORING of wardrobes of people.
because i only like to wear black or white. or both.
so, in order to balance that, i need to have an INTERESTING wardrobe.
(think: goth/emo)
just that the goth subcultures are going to kill me if they ever saw me wearing those.
well if i had to choose, i would take more of their fashion. not being politically correct or anything.

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? hm.


oh and im happy cuz the White Stripes just released their new single, You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You're Told). its playing on the radio =)

New Videos/Singles released:
Bjork: Innocence
Evanescence: Good Enough (thanks yiwen)

i feel like im getting myself back.

The White Stripes - Little Cream Soda

background music of my dad suddenly turning into a grill freak and grilling us on our studies.
WHATEVER, old man. bloody hypocrite.

standard responses to standard questions.
things whizzing around like mad through my head.

a dizzy happiness.
obligations.
i wish.

watched Battle Royale II: Requiem. not as good as the first one...maybe because the original director died just after filming the first scene, and his son took over.
however the blood was A HELL LOT. more than the first movie...which was a kind of turnoff since the first movie already had quite a nice amount in it.

then watched Princess Mononoke by Studio Ghibli. wasnt bad at all. cartoon gore in certain parts...but tastefully placed.

friends are supposed to help each other grow.
open your mouth lil boy.
the grace of being three years late.

The Cardigans - Good Morning Joan

oh you you, it's always you, the hardest hitter that i ever knew
true love is cruel love
not much to be proud of

ass-kissing mercy-missing faithless friend
all for a happy end


take it with a pinch of salt.


Rachel Yamagata - Worn Me Down
The Cardigans - And Then You Kissed Me II

look at the name of the pic to get an idea of where im going.

if you dont see this soon im scared i'll burst from all the emotions rushing through my head.
im sorry for bothering you. everything.
you just seemed so happy today.
so i wont try anymore.
it's depressing but i'll learn to live with it.
i'll try for now.
see how it works out.
half an hour later it struck me.
i feel like crying -
it just cant come out.

i dont feel like seeing you ever again but i have to.
i dont understand.
myself.
you.
how to react to us.

use the fucking stuff in ur amazing intelligent FUCKING brain to figure it out.
and get back to me. just this once.
you were never good at this.
now im forcing you to be.

i knew this was coming.
this rush.
i'll either be very happy by it or feel fucking sad.
i have a feeling it's the latter.

should i go to other people?
why?

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

i swear, the results on the bottom are totally random.
if you want, take the quiz with the link at the bottom.

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Simin is your soulmate. You truly love Jeffrey. You consider Yiwen your true friend. You know that Yasmin is always thinking of you. You'll remember Adeeb for the rest of your life. You secretly think Willie is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. You secretly think that Asyraf is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. You secretly think that Norman is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Norman changes lovers faster than underwear. You secretly think Amanda is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Amanda has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
Why it feels so good to feel so sad
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me

just impulsively felt like saying that.
one day, my feelings will get me in deep shit.
not that it hasnt happened before.
>.<

hey you.
yeah you.
it's been a long time since i got that feeling around you.
i'm getting it again.

what do you see in me?
what am i to you?

what?

i havent posted for a long time >.< Battle Royale courtesy of yiwen. its a really interesting show with just the right amount of gore.
it revolves around this class of ninth grade japanese students set in the future. according to the show, the behaviours and attitude of japan's youth have been worsening, especially towards studies. thus the adults have devised this very disturbing system of student killing, explained and shown in the show. it really makes you think.

Trust the japanese to come up with something this bizarre.

then Constantine in the afternoon. really cool show. i finally saw Shia LaBeouf in it...though his performance as the cabby wasnt that interesting. i preferred Tilda Swinton as the archangel Gabriel. i love her acting...she exudes that icy jagged calm that characterises most of her appearances that ive seen...as the White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.

DID YOU KNOW SHIA BECAME AN ANGEL AT THE END OF THE SHOW?! =))))
he looked AWESOME.

I don't work the future - I don't want to know what's coming. I don't feel I need any guarantees.
-- Tilda Swinton

i got tagged by robin.

List out your Top 5 Birthday Presents Which You Wish For: (zomg this is so freaking selfish. =))
1. A lifetime supply of free CDs from HMV. or Gramophone.
2. A teenage Morticia Addams being my girlfriend. or a great BF. whatever goes.
3. Amazing friends to hang out with and be comfortable with.
4. A lifetime supply of unlimited cash too. Then i can eradicate world poverty forever. Bono, youre welcome.
5. To be happy.

Answer the following questions:

1. The person who tagged u was:
- Robin Loh Yan Ming Sarah. haha i added the last one in for fun. =P it just didnt seem right without it...

2. Your relationship with him/her is?
- Friend.

3. Your 5 impressions of him/her?
- Funny!
- Sarcastic
- Sociable to certain types of people...
- Committed
- Steady.

4. Most memorable thing he/she has done for you?
- Changed my life. for the better. =)

5. Most memorable words she has said to you?
- Lots and lots of racist jokes which were actually funny.

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
- Ew. Robin dont you dare come near me again...

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be?
- um...his sexual orientation?

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
- Not talk to him. ever. unless i forgive him of course, being the holy person *alleluia* that i am...

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be?
- too witty for his own good.

10. The thing you desire to do most for him/her would be?
- give him a sock in the face. nah, i dunno.

11. Overall impression of him/her?
- funny. still funny.

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?
- im...friendly?

13. A character trait you love about yourself?
- Being able to talk well with people...and making them laugh!

14. A character trait you hate about yourself?
- the desperation that i have when seeking out people...im a people person!

15. Person you want to be?
- Myself. but with at least some looks though. -.-''

16. Say something to the people who care for you!
- thank you guys! i really appreciate the stuff you do for me to show me that you care. including all the small things. oh god, i feel like i just won a Grammy award or something.



17. Pass this quiz to 10 people to know what they feel about you. in no particular order...
1. Yiwen
2. Sulin
3. Szeying
4. Amanda
5. Perle
6. Cynthia
7. Kenickie

If they actually had blogs...
8. Asyraf
9. Rachel
10. Bjork ZOMG


Who is #6 having a relationship with?
- nobody. geez, talk about being direct...

Is #9 a male or female?
- uh...FEMALE DUH.

If #7 and #10 are together, will it be a good thing?
- YESYESYES! haute couture and avant garde music are always a good match!

How about #8 and #5?
- uh...i suppose so...aint bad. besides, they already know each other quite well... =)

What is #2 studying about?
- most probably CUPCAKES!

When was the last you talked to #3?
- oh gosh...i dont know when...few weeks ago? Szeying i miss you!!! XP

What kind of music does #8 like?
- PUNK. like, SERIOUS PUNK. not the poppy crap you get so often on radio today. this guy means HARDCORE.

Does #1 have any siblings?
- two, both younger brothers.

Will you woo #3?
- zomg how did you find out?!

How about #7?
- no, he's probably better with Bjork.

Is #4 single?
- um...i suppose so...you never know...XD

What's #5's surname?
- Seow! Seows rock. =)

How about #10's?
- Guðmundsdóttir. hehe.

#4's hobby?
- Listening to songs I think. and rocking out on her drums!!

Do #5 and #9 get along?
- They don't know each other as far as I know.

Where does #2 study at?
- VJC.

Say something casual about #1?
- Hot Cross Boi. Slacker. But mugs in secret in the WEEEEE hours of the night.

Have you tried developing feelings about #8?
- oh yes. Asyraf totally turns me on. -.-''

Where does #9 live?
- dont ask me, im not actually a stalker.

Are #5 and 1# best friends?
- uh...good friends.

Does #7 like #2?
- they. dont. know. each. other. what a disturbing question...

How did you get to know #2?
- school...and handphones! tho im not as an otaku as her...=P you have my respect.

Does #1 have any pets?
- well, he would like to own a sex slave one day...as seen in his PC haha.

Is #7 the sexiest person in the world?
- OH kenickie youre HOT?!

my thinking's really screwed up.

i keep thinking that whatever people do is really worthless. look at what people have done throughout the years. war, devastation, destruction. the terrifying pollution of the earth. all this talk about politics and money and technology - is really worthless.

the problem is, its dangerous not to conform and to see things in such a pessimistic and hopeless way. then MANKIND wont advance and i'll be going against the 2000 or more year tide.

maybe we should go back and kill hitler while he was still a baby.
maybe we shouldnt have invented factories.
maybe we should have just stuck to being what we are denying - animals.


because we were selfish.

im so sick. of work.

but on the bright side, i finished a chinese compo by myself!! haha i wrote the points out in english all the way, then hanyu pinying all the words that i dunno or too lazy to search.
friends are my dictionary.

Bat For Lashes - What's a Girl To Do

When you love someone
But the thrill is gone
And your kisses at night
Are replaced with tears
And when your dreams are wrong
A train to trainwreck town
Then I ask you now, what's a girl to do?

argh it hasnt struck me yet school's starting yet again this is so sick man the truth is really starting to get to me now its so weird you know the whole hols i was totally missing school and now when its really here its like a black pit just appeared in my stomach oh gosh and here i am so calmly sitting down in front of the computer screen emailing lit marks to the teacher (oh SHIT its the rush of school again) and im listening to bat for lashes when ive been doing that only since the holidays its so odd when the song totally reminds me that the holidays are still here when theyre already gone so fast.
but i cant wait for the next holidays.
i need a shoebag, a belt, contacts, stud and a change of wardrobe - especially shirts.
and i havent even watched high school musical 2.
oh well you know something to look forward to during these few days.



reminder to self, joanna newsom ys keane hopes and fears (NORMAN i hope youve put it in ur thumbdrive already and ARE YOU DONE WITH FRENGERS?! GOD!) bjork volta feist let it die the reminder ARCADE FIRE funeral neon bible muse black holes and revelations BAT FOR LASHES fur and gold within temptation the heart of everything the silent force THE CARDIGANS SUPEREXTRAGRAVITYSUPEREXTRAGRAVITY!!!

well on the bright side, i found this really stylish bjork wallpaper. freaks my bro out too. =)

door opens.
music starts.
tales dont tell themselves.
ive learnt to walk away.



If you have to let it go
And these dreams keep you awake
If you have to let it go
Walk away

the time where my mind is most vulnerable is the space between sleep and wake.

You Are Expressionism

Moody, emotional, and even a bit angsty... you certainly know how to express your emotions. At times, you tend to lack perspective on your life, probably as a result of looking inward too much. This introspection does give you a flair for the dramatic. And it's even maybe made you cultivate some artistic talents! You have a true artist's temperament... which is a blessing and a curse.

What Art Movement Are You?

i feel so sick - i have to cut my hair! =(

NOT good.

i havent felt anything yet. maybe im numb. or maybe im just officially over it.
staying away from you will be really tough.
just hope i find someone else. =P

ew DISGUSTDISGUSTDISGUSTDISGUSTDISGUST moi.
>.<

cutting hair. argh.

edit:
1. i cant carry off my hairstyle without contacts.
2. i breathed in hairspray. now i feel like choking.
3. i have no mood for studying.

just got back from class outing. it was really fun. did anyone notice the camera style of the bourne ultimatium? it was really filmed by hand i think. the jittery-ness of it really added to the sense of tension.

it was SO COLD after we exited the cinema.

gelare was really cool. kevin's waffle was THE BEST. WAFFLE with BANANAS and CARAMEL? thats got to be the most avant-garde dessert ive ever seen.


i cant believe youre going to disappoint me.
like seriously.

i need to get this off my chest.
is it really wrong/bad to not like sports? i mean, why do i force myself to like sports, even though its not working? i really hate wide bright open spaces. i think im missing out so much, but i really dont like it.
should you slow down? or should i pick up? i dont want to be left behind. why cant we just have more quiet time? its not your nature...?

btw, i have an idea: since we put any interesting words/quotes/replies we find as our msn nicks, why not just have a chat simply by changing the nicks? it'll be an interesting statement on the redundancy of quotes on nicks.

these are some thoughts i thought of during my mundane time.

boredom from mental exhaustion causes deep thinking. is the reason we go to church to cause this, to selfishly improve human lives in our imperfect ways, and not to worship god? if so, isnt it terrifying that there really is no god?

art is the expression of the idea. the complete or relatively complete grasping of the problem/idea.

something surreal (an artwork) that i thought of.
flowers, bright yellow with nice-sized petals, at first identical. each surrounded by a small forcefield, activating at different times with different lengths of time. the flowers grow roots/tendrils, some trying to enter the space of other flowers.

on a lighter note, my mom actually asked me when i was going to get a piercing. december i think. =)


the shirt.
the love.

hello everyone.
i guess the mask still hasnt come off yet.
but im comfortable now.


take it one step at a time.
and pray hard. pray real hard for me.

what a weird day! pleasantly weird.

i seriously dunno what to say now...

saving your convos without asking is violation of privacy rights! i think.

WE ARE NOT TOGETHER IN ANY WAY. well, except as friends.
thank you.
looking forward to tmr...hope you dont chicken out...but i think you will, youve always been a selfish coward. XP

i wish it was raining
cuz i hate every beautiful day.
-- Sugarcult "Hate Every Beautiful Day"

i have fantastical mood swings i tell you.

1. saw something and got so pissed that i yelled into class. then slammed the door real hard.
2. went back to work and screamed at the lit paper.
3. felt so happy when edmund told me stuff.
4. got so frustrated that my shirt was sticking out at a very very weird angle, making me look weird.
5. got pissed that there were people under my block going to take the same lift as me.


i need my ipod.

you know, i suddenly taste blood in my mouth. lol.
i realise i need closure. leaving without saying goodbye is a nono.

AAAHHH you know what happened today? rachel said my eyes looked really goth if i took my spectacles off. =)))
I SHALL GET CONTACTS. haha.

ms low's bio lesson was UGH.
but fun anyways =)
chem was bearable...stories are a good way to lighten up the mood.
just cannot use it too often haha.

WHY i so BO LIAO ah follow yuhan and cynthia ALL THE WAY to TKGS?? but the donuts were SO GREAT. guess it was worth it after all...burning all the fats...its uber amazing that i actually walked all that way. hidden talent.

EGO.

still patching up. sewing little white threads through the fabric. they will hopefully change colour. but its still nice in a weird detached sort of way. =)

im feeling quite tired and hungry now. its 11.40p.m at night.

today is a patch-up day.
im feeling better!

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

-- Angel by Sarah Mclachlan

i feel very bad cuz im supposed to be doing work right now...but too addicted to watching muse videos on youtube. i want BLACK HOLES AND REVELATIONS. oh and maybe Absolution too.

i tell you, matthew bellamy is totally awesome. he's got style. and killer cheekbones.

bowling was really awesome today. leonie bowled very well...we were second behind lynx, who had wayne. he bowled a fucking 254. well i think aquila has a really good chance of winning, cuz our averages are quite strong. =)

Greetings, starshine, the earth says hello! Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane! Attacked by Christmas toys? That's strange, that's the second toy complaint we've had.

im feeling random.
the first person to tag with the three correct movie titles where the above quotes come from wins a prize. mystery gift.

btw, happy birthday grace!

too tired to post nicely. nothing's really on my mind right now...well maybe except sleep.

thanks kenickie for the pics =)
today wasnt a bad day luh.

nothing else to talk about. =) hope langarts will be good tmr.

oh my goodness i havent posted in like three days.

ive tried to lighten up considerably. hope its working. i think it is =)
does anyone want the old me back? cuz its depressing working with the mask on sometimes. although i must admit masochism plays a part in its existence.

keeping you out of my mind is really hard. so for now youre in a corner. but i do hope to fracture reality. its kinda selfish.

im only happy when it rains.

do people get suicidal thoughts often, like once every one or two days? its interesting to know.

anyway, running up and down the hall is NOT fun. its really stupid.
but i feel so light after going to the gym just now. yay. great. great. keeps my mind healthy....well healthier to some extent.


"There we are," she said. "How nice and cosy this is, isn't it?"

i was feeling so bored and tired so, i put anti bacterial body foam and washed my hair with it. now its so dry... >.<

i realise im dealing with a double blow right now.
coping is hard.
but im trying. its just very hard.
ACCEPTANCE, remember?

joked with leonie lots today. im glad she's in my group. willie too. and adeeb. and hui juan the math god in a demure human form.

swinging back to my life, you know, even though im such a non-sporty person, i think actually working out and doing physical stuff like bowling or running, or even just getting worked up, can get my mind off things easily. i feel so alive after that.

maybe its cuz i had a bad day. /torn i dunno. but i dont feel good again.

i dont /torn know how to react or even act when /torn i see you anymore. its just a /torn habit i guess, putting on that /torn mask so that i dont lose your /torn friendship.


help me take it off.
/torn
backed off in fear.

Because I've never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide /torn

--Naked by Avril Lavigne.

so many mixed feelings right now.


but mostly happy cuz tmr's a school dae. =)

alvin doesnt like long john silver's fries. like, wtf??
i like them lots since yesterday =X

LOOKING GOOD METER
flattened hair without cap < flattened hair with cap < styled hair without cap

haha. so random right. proves im high. for the moment.
keep smiling and i'll go away.
as long as you SMILE.

in the middle of a convo.

feeling very uncertain now. alot of emotions going through my head.
i just hope my friends will help me though.

its all the small things that matter lots.
thank you brother of panda. XP hope you get my drift.

guess i should post something since im online and i feel so bored.

God of War 2 is really nice. my bro's currently playing it. quite difficult though.
my mom thinks Regina Spektor sounds like Bjork. -.-''



today was national day. celebration. the only interesting part was when "President Nathan" drove right in. i wonder how scandalised Kiron must have felt haha.

moving rubber, eyeliner and stripy t-shirts. what an awesome morning. i have another thing to add to my list: ask parents to get contacts for me =)

rush hour 3! the bloopers were funny. haha.

yiwen thank you for the t-shirt. promise i'll wash and have it ready by next week.

i miss you already.
=X

hehe this are quotes from tori amos.

“If they keep crashing stuff into the moon, the moon's gonna get pissed off, and the tides'll change, and all the women'll start PMS-ing together. Then you guys are going to fucking regret it.”

whoa.

“I think all the boys that write the screaming stuff would write the best love songs.... because they have the most to hide. The guys that are in the most pain are usually the ones with the biggest hearts.”

take that asyraf. XP

kudos to the people who overwhelmed me with their tags. thank you...
i'll reply them when i have the time. hopefully soon =)


morbidity is just a state of the mind.
here are some actual epitaphs, to lighten the grave atmosphere.

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia

She always said her feet were killing her

but nobody believed her.

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if

the car was on the way down. It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery

Here lies an Atheist

All dressed up

And no place to go.

John Dryden (1631-1700) on his wife

Here lies my wife: here let her lie!

Now she's at rest, and so am I.

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood

In Memory of Beza Wood

Departed this life

Nov. 2, 1837

Aged 45 yrs.

Here lies one Wood

Enclosed in wood

One Wood

Within another.

The outer wood

Is very good:

We cannot praise

The other.

argh this is bad. im very upset and im listening to depressing songs. this is bad.

i feel very loser again. its a friday afternoon and im stuck at home WHAT THE FUCK man. come on! dont i have any life? im so dead in school too. there's nothing really interesting in school to make me look forward to it except my friends now. bring me out! take me somewhere! but i suppose they are too busy with their own lives, planning and having fun. i wanna have fun but im just too fucking attitude to do anything about it. argh.

well, if youre real friends, take me along. if not, then im very disappointed. but what can i say? give without expecting anything in return.

its always my fault and im sick of it.
sick and sick and sick of it.

was it last week? cuz the time just seemed so long ago. shivering with cold by the beach. in a strangely contented fashion. just away from everything.

Within Temptation - Our Farewell

edit:
that was before yiwen called me up. =) bubble tea anyone?

well the aftershock is great and setting in. im as happy as the chance encounter of a sewing machine and an umbrella on an operating table. =)
friends are really cool. they always make me happy. when i make people happy im happy. so give me lots and lots of chances to make you happy and i'll be happy. chat lightly but deeply. dont chat heavily and importantly but lightly. when school is over, school is OVER.
i screwed up the lit paper terribly, but i dont really mind or care now cuz you guys were with me. are with me.

in your head
what's in your head
zombie
?