I swear, math goes against the very fiber of my being. I could really feel the counterlogic being ingrained and infecting my reasoning habits with every painful mathematical step I took today.

I'm sorry to all my fantastic math teachers, but you should have chosen a more fulfilling subject to teach/ career to pursue in life.

God bless.

Anyway after a good night's sleep I am looking FORWARD to the dance meeting later :) I feel so at home and I hope the dancers feel the same way. I want to do something, just don't know where to start.

Got the project work entry proof this morning. Serves as a reminder to what's coming up and going to cause me ever more stress. Aiyo. I sound so hedonistic.

it's. under. control. i swear.

on what, i don't know. lol! my friends are my personal blogs. so fun when you think about it.

ARHGHGHGHGGG I HAVE MATHS TUITION TONIGHT. THE FIRST AFTER LIKE 7 MONTHS OF FREEDOM. back to bondage. ahhhh. why, maths? i have a serious love-hate relationship with it. when i'm doing it with a good teacher i love it but ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT I JUST GET MYSELF DAZED AND FRUSTRATED AND DEMORALISED!!!

great lah. thanks so much, school. unnecessary stress. just what i need. i'm so sick of living and breathing under the shadow of the monster next week. what are exams anyway? they're just black and white sheets of paper that somehow terrify the shit out of people. seriously. it's just like art. FUCKING HYPOCRITES.

anyway. helloooooo wheeeeeee. i hate to see myself reduced to a shriveling, yowling pile of emo. so i'm going to be EXPRESSIVE. wait, i always am. hahaha.

and i just discovered i'm not the only one listening to LA ROUX! rock on derrick!

okay. iCarly rocks. go watch it. Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide is funny, but i think it progresses too quickly for me to enjoy or take in. haha. are they trying to grow the next generation of multi-taskers? when i think about it, it just seems like a half-hour of 5-second long skits put together. or maybe 5-second slapstick jokes chained together under a title. not to put the show down or anything, just wondering if the tv has any ulterior motives. GRR.
some colour, yes? -the computer won't let me post pictures.

I'm remarkably tired.
Goodnight people. I'll see most of you in the morning.

Don't know if I'm excited or not in going back to school. It was exhilarating but tiring. Well, just hope it's more of the joy and less of the fatigue.

Speaking of joy, JOY YOUR LEAVE WAS SO SUDDEN! haha I still have things to do with you that I can't recall at this moment. :) really hope you'll miss us but still be happy over there! Europe's an exciting place. Maybe you can grab a couple of friends and go backpacking. :P

i'm sick of this.
SHOES.



and introducing...my crush.



Astrud Gilberto - The Girl From Ipanema

ahhhh i have a huge crush on bossa nova now. my gosh. the texture. it's so beautiful! after researching for awhile, i discover that in jazz or bossa nova the voice is extremely important. i didn't like magdalene peyroux's, that's why i didn't enjoy jazz as much as i should have. =P those brazilian voices are really unique. the flavour is something i've never heard before. the dynamics are so plain...so different from american music. they can imitate, but all the greats are from south america.

respect.

MICHAEL JACKSON DIED.

something just struck me and i'm getting stressed again.

if i don't study, and will probably only get some serious studying done the next week, then i shouldn't expect great results. which means i'm only probably going to get average or below average results. which means i won't be happy.

SHIT.

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone
Away

I can't get my mind off you.
Where you at, do you mind if i come through?

it's so frustrating and yet so blissful. you know what i'm talking about, don't you.
i don't have the aries courage, it seems.

i'm blogging from the wake. it's really quite nice here. we took up an entire church hall, because my grandad's the founding member of the community or sth. =) the people who had service this weekend had to do it in a smaller room somewhere else in this place. don't know where they could do it though, there seems to be only columbariums and niches around here.

i'm coming to terms with his passing luh. i can now talk to him normally. he doesn't really reply though. i believe he does, but i can't listen.

there have been many many flowers sent over. lemme count. about 14 full-fledged standing-up flower arrangements alr. and probably more to come. i'm happy.

i've given some thought about how my funeral is going to be.
it's gonna have three rooms, my coffin in the centre room. i think my coffin will be pink and white. and on my right will be a party room. and then on my left will be the traditional mourning hangout for the less party-people.
haha it would TOTALLY work, until my brother offered his opinion:
"but when you die, your friends will all be about the same age, how are they going to party?"

sigh. i didn't think of that.
funeral on tuesday afternoon at about 3pm.

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin'
That someday you're gonna see the light

the time was 7.15am on a friday, 19th of June 2009.

my grandfather, Seow Kong Hoe, passed away peacefully. or as peaceful as a coma may get.

rest in peace.

i haven't been out the whole day and yet i'm so tired.

PAW.

hahaha.

ha.
ha.
ha.

I worry that there is something wrong with all our calculations..

It's guilt trip time!

Hooray for ugly marred faces!

i haven't pursued the matter since then.

no point really, until it gets dark. then it all comes back to me.

anyway i'm really happy that i filled up my week. it'll give me an incentive to study. and also give my mind a much-needed energy boost. the weekend was, in one word, kinda boring. but then again, which other weekend recently wasn't boring? haha.

what's going on with my life...nothing much actually. just waiting to see what this week will bring. tomorrow is some family day thing where i'm going to eat SASHIMI. haha. i miss it. although i don't think i can stand looking at the wasabi after what happened at the camp =D

speaking of family, my grandad's in icu now. i'm kinda really worried for him...he's got water in his lungs, it's a sudden thing. he had a heart bypass a couple of days ago. i heard it's almost 100% filled with water and he needs a respirator to breathe. it's worrying.

my mind is filled with denser thoughts. work and play balance. i know if i stay home i'll end up slacking. so might as well go out to slack...right...right...?

i'm so tired.

i just had to do that.
and you did that.
and something small led on to something big. get the hint? no of course not. not yet. relax.

If I could find you now,
Things would get better.
We could leave this town,
And run forever
I hope somewhere, somehow, we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me,
And take me away, yeah.


taken out of context, they fit perfectly.

it's the end of a very very long day. slept this morning at 3.30am. it was a stuffy night. i think i'm exhausted, dehydrated and on an adrenaline high. i just wish it would go my way but it just doesn't.

i should have seen it coming...i should have fucking known.

thank you all you happy campers for making my past two weeks so awesome. it's contraction, i know, but i really don't mean that. i appreciate so many things. i was just too tired to remember them. i still am. but i'm constantly trying. and it's a first.

there is solace in work though. tried to run away from it by reading up on twitter. no matter what people say, i now have the proper information as much as i could. and it's substantial. twitter is a waste of time and not worth the time, effort or money. all three and i mean them. i don't make claims without meaning them in some sense.

well, world. back to the hard, cold, contradictory reality of the earth.

hey!

just a quick blogpost, a snippet from my life.
before i leave for another camp! adeeb, watch out, calls galore! XD hope you're okay with it.
i'm here sending songs to my phone. just in case. which will probably happen. i won't be able to conveniently charge my ipod. hope nobody steals it too. and i hope everything will go well.

edwin's already in camp. again for the second time this holiday.
what songs should i put in my ipod?
camps always instill this sense of solitude in me.
i'm sending over songs that wrap me in their warmth.
does this mean more quiet bloodwrapped short dragged out nights?
i wonder.

i just cut my hair, the woman did it so well.
i'm really starting to dislike hair falling in my eyes. although i must say i look good with good length hair. but still. vanity is a sin.
editing my email now. too many unread emails. they clutter my inbox up. and my organisation.
if i do say so myself, i'm quite organised when it comes to the computer.
my work files are all in their proper folders and it gives me pleasure just looking at the neatness.
bipolar hor.

okay haha. i'm trying hard to make sense but i guess i'm still affected. by stuff. NO I'M NOT BEING EMO. i'm just saying. lol. =D now, i know how to get out of that secluded place. but if they're sending buses...hmm. better i guess.

re-listening to bjork's volta. very very good actually. need to give it some time again soon. =)