its almost the holidays...
i'll definitely miss my friends!!!

hey v13, organise more more more class outings during the hols okay?!

great. -.-" i havent done my friggin webfolio...

haha should i get the guitar? 200 bucks is quite expensive but cheap at the same time. let me think though it. my parents are definitely going to kill me though.

HEY PEOPLE, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! it's the only season where you get to see interesting stuff!
except maybe christmas. hmm...

The Arcade Fire - Haiti

i had so much fun today.
i felt so involved.
thanks to all the people who involved me in what they were doing.
loves.

i guess with the weekend here, im getting very frustrated. very very frustrated. im sorry for ranting. but i have to. its therauputic. letting something out. or else i would have jumped already. seriously.

i do not want to stay over at the condo for the weekend.
not every weekend.
do not force me to go over there and stay there and rot and do stuff that you force me to do.
i do not find them fun.

i hate you.
i hate you both right now. to your guts.
i dont ask anything of you.
i just ask for my allowance.
i dont bother you or bug you for it.
its fine if you dont give it to me for a week or two.
but please.
i dont expect to be called a selfish person.
i keep to myself, you keep to yours.
like a traditional japanese household.
i will leave you alone.
i want to be left alone.
i will come to you when i want to. when the time is right. when i feel like there's something worth telling.
just leave me alone.

please.
i cant take much more of your persistence.
ignorant persistence.

i want to go out.
away from you both for a while.
give me some time to myself.
let go.
i will have to learn for myself.
i dont mind learning for myself.
just give me the basic needs that i truly need.
i'll learn.

thanks alvin for your counselling session.

this is a definite hopefully loud cry for help.
im so insecure, dammit.

there.

i told you already.

there you go.

i feel sick.


i hate the attitude my parents take to drama and the arts.
they are so practical-minded.
i just wanted to discuss my elective choices with them nicely.
ended as a showcase of their stigma against the arts and artists.
disgusting.

Ryan Adams - So Alive

im a drifter with no backbone to get out of it.
a loser.
fine then.
i just can't really live with the fact.

this is interesting.

a collection of beautiful haikus.

Butt-Head:

That was cool (huh-huh)

When we killed that frog (huh-huh)

It won't croak again

Hyde:

My heart aches with pain

When I see you I vomit

Die away from me

From Nickelodeon:

Boogers in my nose

Chickens dancing in my room

I can see your butt.

Sophie Ellis-Bextor - Take Me Home

just a quick one before nightmare and dreamscapes starts.

it aint bad. =)

i havent visited deviantart for such a long time!!

halloween's coming soon too.

Well, you saw for yourself, the way it played out.
For you, I am blinded.
For you, I am blinded, for you.

I am no gentleman, I can be a prick.
And I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place
I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love, and then love won't exist.

there are so many things going through my mind right now...to name each one of them would be a headache and a disaster at the same time.

emotions are really a blur of colour mixing and intertwining at the same time. there's seriously no other way to describe it.
i just realise that there is this undercurrent of uncertainty and dread that lingers under my skin.

youre right, i do think too much.
now what?

Robyn & Cleerup - With Every Heartbeat

what an aimless shimmering happy day for me.
i've got an idea - should i put songs as the title of the post?
sounds interesting.

did we finish our card game? because i wanna play a new round. still a level 5 pony =)
gonna emcee either the symposium or welcome tea. dont remember the welcome tea at all tho...XP
so exciting.

fun? not exactly.
but im still hoping yeah?

im becoming more and more antisocial...music's taking over my life and for the first time i dont want it to be. but at the same time i'm so scared that i'll face certain people online. people that i dont want to meet, because im scared that they'll end up disappointing me again.

logging in.

god i hate sleeping late. like now.
fuck.
so angry with my bro.

seriously.

spendspendspend!!!

i have almost absoutely no regrets buying THE ARCADE FIRE's new album NEON BIBLE. oh my god. 46.9 minutes of almost heaven. they send chills down my spine when i hear them. even better live.
well, maybe they didnt live up to funeral, but we all must learn to lower our expectations once in awhile. after all, langarts is useful.

went out with kevin, lucas, gabriel and darrren today...had more fun than i expected! bowling was great...although its weird when everyone's staring at you expecting a strike XD
after the movie Mr Woodcock, we went to Subway. i forgot that we were going there after the movie and bought myself a hotdog for lunch! quite friggin expensive. jeez. now i have $3.95 for the rest of the week...one dollar a day, should be able to maintain. hooray. i dont wanna be fat anymore.
as i was saying, we had a great long chat at Subway. i bought a double chocolate cookie. yumyum. talked for two hours about...stuff. oh, darren left right after the movie so he wasnt there.
did you know?? kevin's DUTCH. so cool!

amazing amazing day now that i look back. thank you.
this has been a most very quite fulfilling day.

cards tomorrow, then need to plan for our outing, dear sarah.

Arcade Fire - The Well and The Lighthouse

just got back from a weekend campout with my parents.
needless to say, hated it lots.
they beat my self-confidence down to almost nothing.
i'll keep praying.

thank god the weekend's over...
now cant wait for the holidays to come. then can really go haywire.
i just hope i dont get in the way of myself again.
and, i need people to go haywire with! =) anyone interested?

thanks guys.
rock on.

am i selfish? like, really?

my parents sure think so.

ive been sorting out things.
i really dont need you to come into my life right now.
leave me alone.

the best way of forgetting someone is not remembering.

although its sad, its the only way ive found.

seems fine though it aint no no no no
seems fine though it aint no no
I got to find me a way to flow
deep in the heart I'll seek and find it all.

-The Concretes - Seems Fine-

GOODBYE MS LOW.
I'LL MISS YOU.

i really dont know what to do!
maybe its partly cuz today was such a terrible boring day...i was so useless in helping the class.

dont think, dont think.
that's what makes yasmin so happy. yes.
but i cant help thinking!
what if he didnt come along?
would i have gone?
would i have enjoyed myself?
or am i better staying at home?

i went down and bought Ben and Jerry's icecream to try to cheer myself up.
its 11 bucks, my mom better pay me back.
she owes me for not getting me to express my opinions and thoughts.
the self esteem thing again.


talked to amanda again. its surprising how both of us are so alike...and we are feeling the negative effects of so many things. im just so insecure. someone just come along and guide me please. someone that i can feel comfortable with, given my weird personality.

Attention: Battery Low.
everytime the phone flickers, i get so distracted.
how dumb.

Someone To Love - Nelly Furtado

back from watching I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry. funny funny show.

the RING.
no corners!

exams are over.
scream and shout.

ive decided to *try* to cheer up, since someone doesnt really care about anything that's going on.

thank you asyraf cynthia kevin rachel and yasmin (in alphabetical order) for so constantly tagging on my blog. words cannot describe how appreciated i feel when i see ur tags. =)
and anybody else too who feels that they view/tag my blog often, drop me a tag too.
dont keep silent, cuz the blogger wont know that you care about him/her.

sorry for not replying tags, sometimes there are too many tags and if i reply them all its gonna be really messy for the reader.
unless you want me to.

cheers. =)

im feeling very down.
a break up of sorts.

that's it.
over.
zip.

Let it die and get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear

Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss
And see this for what it is
That we're not in love

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

It was hard to tell just how I felt
To not recognize myself
I started to fade away

And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start


Feist - Let It Die

hope you're at least feeling something.
live your life well and i'll be content.

no pretentiousness this time.

its over. its finally over.
i dont care, its over.
im going to fail chem i think. but i dont care.
lit rocked.
i think (and i hope, really) that i'll do well for literature.
give me back the inspiration that you owe me. and the courage.
im not going to wait any more.
or else i wont have the chance.
from you.

Keane - She Has No Time.
brilliant.

cynthia actually complimented me on my nick. =DDDDDD

no one's ever done that before. haha i feel so high. that,
at least someone saw =)

overblogging. but nvm. everyone, get to facebook!

edit.
im feeling very contented.
i did many interesting things today that i havent been doing for a long time.
and my mind is back.
i feel refreshed.
new.
thanks.
although i mustve looked very unglam during the run. grr i hate looking unglam =P

oh, if i havent been mentioning it enough, get facebook!

you know, it just amazes me sometimes that the blog channels my inner self out.
look at the posts.
the colours.
the blogposts.

all me.

on a side note, bio was terrible. except for the Romeo and Juliet part. that was funny. i actually laughed. thanks ms low, go be a comedian instead please...people'll enjoy your jokes wayy more...=)

just came back from langarts exams. was quite okay luh. norman youre intimidating i tell you. ass.
hope i did okay.
totally DREADING thursday. really wish wish wish maths was on wednesday. then i can do what i wanna do on friday.
nothing more to say.

im getting very high.! facebook.

Bat For Lashes - The Wizard

my parents are almost retarded.

first, in the morning they argued. again. they went into the room thinking i wouldnt hear. yeah whatever. couldnt even sleep properly. like what josh said, "challenging the fucking idea of home."

they just dont understand when i dont wanna go somewhere with my brother. i dont know what to say to them.

disgusting.

on a lighter note, i tried to find a new blogskin. but nothing really caught my eye...my standards are really high i suppose.
on aesthetics.
almost went crazy revising stuff. read: langarts. there are so many things to remember...i was better off just going impromptu.

facebook rocks big time.

Feist - 1 2 3 4

today,

my hand got really tired.

and,

youre a worthless piece of shit which i still love.
=0

i feel totally unprepared.
argh.
despite studying so much for the past few days/weeks.
this is so weird.
i wish the exams could just be over like that.
In your head
What's in your head?
Zombie
Zombie
Zombie

everyone's a zombie now.
stoned.
out zoned.

The Cardigans - Little Black Cloud

i forgot how warm it felt to hold you close to me.

you know, it just occurred to me that i seem really different online.
that's so weird. haha but i'm happy right now. i just hope i don't repeat whatever i did.

go away./come in.
oh and i totally need a change of wardrobe!
i bet i have the most BORING of wardrobes of people.
because i only like to wear black or white. or both.
so, in order to balance that, i need to have an INTERESTING wardrobe.
(think: goth/emo)
just that the goth subcultures are going to kill me if they ever saw me wearing those.
well if i had to choose, i would take more of their fashion. not being politically correct or anything.

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? hm.


oh and im happy cuz the White Stripes just released their new single, You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You're Told). its playing on the radio =)

New Videos/Singles released:
Bjork: Innocence
Evanescence: Good Enough (thanks yiwen)

i feel like im getting myself back.

The White Stripes - Little Cream Soda

background music of my dad suddenly turning into a grill freak and grilling us on our studies.
WHATEVER, old man. bloody hypocrite.

standard responses to standard questions.
things whizzing around like mad through my head.

a dizzy happiness.
obligations.
i wish.

watched Battle Royale II: Requiem. not as good as the first one...maybe because the original director died just after filming the first scene, and his son took over.
however the blood was A HELL LOT. more than the first movie...which was a kind of turnoff since the first movie already had quite a nice amount in it.

then watched Princess Mononoke by Studio Ghibli. wasnt bad at all. cartoon gore in certain parts...but tastefully placed.

friends are supposed to help each other grow.
open your mouth lil boy.
the grace of being three years late.

The Cardigans - Good Morning Joan

oh you you, it's always you, the hardest hitter that i ever knew
true love is cruel love
not much to be proud of

ass-kissing mercy-missing faithless friend
all for a happy end


take it with a pinch of salt.


Rachel Yamagata - Worn Me Down
The Cardigans - And Then You Kissed Me II

look at the name of the pic to get an idea of where im going.

if you dont see this soon im scared i'll burst from all the emotions rushing through my head.
im sorry for bothering you. everything.
you just seemed so happy today.
so i wont try anymore.
it's depressing but i'll learn to live with it.
i'll try for now.
see how it works out.
half an hour later it struck me.
i feel like crying -
it just cant come out.

i dont feel like seeing you ever again but i have to.
i dont understand.
myself.
you.
how to react to us.

use the fucking stuff in ur amazing intelligent FUCKING brain to figure it out.
and get back to me. just this once.
you were never good at this.
now im forcing you to be.

i knew this was coming.
this rush.
i'll either be very happy by it or feel fucking sad.
i have a feeling it's the latter.

should i go to other people?
why?

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

i swear, the results on the bottom are totally random.
if you want, take the quiz with the link at the bottom.

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Simin is your soulmate. You truly love Jeffrey. You consider Yiwen your true friend. You know that Yasmin is always thinking of you. You'll remember Adeeb for the rest of your life. You secretly think Willie is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. You secretly think that Asyraf is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. You secretly think that Norman is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Norman changes lovers faster than underwear. You secretly think Amanda is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Amanda has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
Why it feels so good to feel so sad
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me

just impulsively felt like saying that.
one day, my feelings will get me in deep shit.
not that it hasnt happened before.
>.<

hey you.
yeah you.
it's been a long time since i got that feeling around you.
i'm getting it again.

what do you see in me?
what am i to you?

what?

i havent posted for a long time >.< Battle Royale courtesy of yiwen. its a really interesting show with just the right amount of gore.
it revolves around this class of ninth grade japanese students set in the future. according to the show, the behaviours and attitude of japan's youth have been worsening, especially towards studies. thus the adults have devised this very disturbing system of student killing, explained and shown in the show. it really makes you think.

Trust the japanese to come up with something this bizarre.

then Constantine in the afternoon. really cool show. i finally saw Shia LaBeouf in it...though his performance as the cabby wasnt that interesting. i preferred Tilda Swinton as the archangel Gabriel. i love her acting...she exudes that icy jagged calm that characterises most of her appearances that ive seen...as the White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.

DID YOU KNOW SHIA BECAME AN ANGEL AT THE END OF THE SHOW?! =))))
he looked AWESOME.

I don't work the future - I don't want to know what's coming. I don't feel I need any guarantees.
-- Tilda Swinton

i got tagged by robin.

List out your Top 5 Birthday Presents Which You Wish For: (zomg this is so freaking selfish. =))
1. A lifetime supply of free CDs from HMV. or Gramophone.
2. A teenage Morticia Addams being my girlfriend. or a great BF. whatever goes.
3. Amazing friends to hang out with and be comfortable with.
4. A lifetime supply of unlimited cash too. Then i can eradicate world poverty forever. Bono, youre welcome.
5. To be happy.

Answer the following questions:

1. The person who tagged u was:
- Robin Loh Yan Ming Sarah. haha i added the last one in for fun. =P it just didnt seem right without it...

2. Your relationship with him/her is?
- Friend.

3. Your 5 impressions of him/her?
- Funny!
- Sarcastic
- Sociable to certain types of people...
- Committed
- Steady.

4. Most memorable thing he/she has done for you?
- Changed my life. for the better. =)

5. Most memorable words she has said to you?
- Lots and lots of racist jokes which were actually funny.

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
- Ew. Robin dont you dare come near me again...

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be?
- um...his sexual orientation?

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
- Not talk to him. ever. unless i forgive him of course, being the holy person *alleluia* that i am...

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be?
- too witty for his own good.

10. The thing you desire to do most for him/her would be?
- give him a sock in the face. nah, i dunno.

11. Overall impression of him/her?
- funny. still funny.

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?
- im...friendly?

13. A character trait you love about yourself?
- Being able to talk well with people...and making them laugh!

14. A character trait you hate about yourself?
- the desperation that i have when seeking out people...im a people person!

15. Person you want to be?
- Myself. but with at least some looks though. -.-''

16. Say something to the people who care for you!
- thank you guys! i really appreciate the stuff you do for me to show me that you care. including all the small things. oh god, i feel like i just won a Grammy award or something.



17. Pass this quiz to 10 people to know what they feel about you. in no particular order...
1. Yiwen
2. Sulin
3. Szeying
4. Amanda
5. Perle
6. Cynthia
7. Kenickie

If they actually had blogs...
8. Asyraf
9. Rachel
10. Bjork ZOMG


Who is #6 having a relationship with?
- nobody. geez, talk about being direct...

Is #9 a male or female?
- uh...FEMALE DUH.

If #7 and #10 are together, will it be a good thing?
- YESYESYES! haute couture and avant garde music are always a good match!

How about #8 and #5?
- uh...i suppose so...aint bad. besides, they already know each other quite well... =)

What is #2 studying about?
- most probably CUPCAKES!

When was the last you talked to #3?
- oh gosh...i dont know when...few weeks ago? Szeying i miss you!!! XP

What kind of music does #8 like?
- PUNK. like, SERIOUS PUNK. not the poppy crap you get so often on radio today. this guy means HARDCORE.

Does #1 have any siblings?
- two, both younger brothers.

Will you woo #3?
- zomg how did you find out?!

How about #7?
- no, he's probably better with Bjork.

Is #4 single?
- um...i suppose so...you never know...XD

What's #5's surname?
- Seow! Seows rock. =)

How about #10's?
- Guðmundsdóttir. hehe.

#4's hobby?
- Listening to songs I think. and rocking out on her drums!!

Do #5 and #9 get along?
- They don't know each other as far as I know.

Where does #2 study at?
- VJC.

Say something casual about #1?
- Hot Cross Boi. Slacker. But mugs in secret in the WEEEEE hours of the night.

Have you tried developing feelings about #8?
- oh yes. Asyraf totally turns me on. -.-''

Where does #9 live?
- dont ask me, im not actually a stalker.

Are #5 and 1# best friends?
- uh...good friends.

Does #7 like #2?
- they. dont. know. each. other. what a disturbing question...

How did you get to know #2?
- school...and handphones! tho im not as an otaku as her...=P you have my respect.

Does #1 have any pets?
- well, he would like to own a sex slave one day...as seen in his PC haha.

Is #7 the sexiest person in the world?
- OH kenickie youre HOT?!

my thinking's really screwed up.

i keep thinking that whatever people do is really worthless. look at what people have done throughout the years. war, devastation, destruction. the terrifying pollution of the earth. all this talk about politics and money and technology - is really worthless.

the problem is, its dangerous not to conform and to see things in such a pessimistic and hopeless way. then MANKIND wont advance and i'll be going against the 2000 or more year tide.

maybe we should go back and kill hitler while he was still a baby.
maybe we shouldnt have invented factories.
maybe we should have just stuck to being what we are denying - animals.


because we were selfish.

im so sick. of work.

but on the bright side, i finished a chinese compo by myself!! haha i wrote the points out in english all the way, then hanyu pinying all the words that i dunno or too lazy to search.
friends are my dictionary.

Bat For Lashes - What's a Girl To Do

When you love someone
But the thrill is gone
And your kisses at night
Are replaced with tears
And when your dreams are wrong
A train to trainwreck town
Then I ask you now, what's a girl to do?

argh it hasnt struck me yet school's starting yet again this is so sick man the truth is really starting to get to me now its so weird you know the whole hols i was totally missing school and now when its really here its like a black pit just appeared in my stomach oh gosh and here i am so calmly sitting down in front of the computer screen emailing lit marks to the teacher (oh SHIT its the rush of school again) and im listening to bat for lashes when ive been doing that only since the holidays its so odd when the song totally reminds me that the holidays are still here when theyre already gone so fast.
but i cant wait for the next holidays.
i need a shoebag, a belt, contacts, stud and a change of wardrobe - especially shirts.
and i havent even watched high school musical 2.
oh well you know something to look forward to during these few days.



reminder to self, joanna newsom ys keane hopes and fears (NORMAN i hope youve put it in ur thumbdrive already and ARE YOU DONE WITH FRENGERS?! GOD!) bjork volta feist let it die the reminder ARCADE FIRE funeral neon bible muse black holes and revelations BAT FOR LASHES fur and gold within temptation the heart of everything the silent force THE CARDIGANS SUPEREXTRAGRAVITYSUPEREXTRAGRAVITY!!!

well on the bright side, i found this really stylish bjork wallpaper. freaks my bro out too. =)

door opens.
music starts.
tales dont tell themselves.
ive learnt to walk away.



If you have to let it go
And these dreams keep you awake
If you have to let it go
Walk away

the time where my mind is most vulnerable is the space between sleep and wake.

You Are Expressionism

Moody, emotional, and even a bit angsty... you certainly know how to express your emotions. At times, you tend to lack perspective on your life, probably as a result of looking inward too much. This introspection does give you a flair for the dramatic. And it's even maybe made you cultivate some artistic talents! You have a true artist's temperament... which is a blessing and a curse.

What Art Movement Are You?

i feel so sick - i have to cut my hair! =(

NOT good.

i havent felt anything yet. maybe im numb. or maybe im just officially over it.
staying away from you will be really tough.
just hope i find someone else. =P

ew DISGUSTDISGUSTDISGUSTDISGUSTDISGUST moi.
>.<

cutting hair. argh.

edit:
1. i cant carry off my hairstyle without contacts.
2. i breathed in hairspray. now i feel like choking.
3. i have no mood for studying.

just got back from class outing. it was really fun. did anyone notice the camera style of the bourne ultimatium? it was really filmed by hand i think. the jittery-ness of it really added to the sense of tension.

it was SO COLD after we exited the cinema.

gelare was really cool. kevin's waffle was THE BEST. WAFFLE with BANANAS and CARAMEL? thats got to be the most avant-garde dessert ive ever seen.


i cant believe youre going to disappoint me.
like seriously.

i need to get this off my chest.
is it really wrong/bad to not like sports? i mean, why do i force myself to like sports, even though its not working? i really hate wide bright open spaces. i think im missing out so much, but i really dont like it.
should you slow down? or should i pick up? i dont want to be left behind. why cant we just have more quiet time? its not your nature...?

btw, i have an idea: since we put any interesting words/quotes/replies we find as our msn nicks, why not just have a chat simply by changing the nicks? it'll be an interesting statement on the redundancy of quotes on nicks.

these are some thoughts i thought of during my mundane time.

boredom from mental exhaustion causes deep thinking. is the reason we go to church to cause this, to selfishly improve human lives in our imperfect ways, and not to worship god? if so, isnt it terrifying that there really is no god?

art is the expression of the idea. the complete or relatively complete grasping of the problem/idea.

something surreal (an artwork) that i thought of.
flowers, bright yellow with nice-sized petals, at first identical. each surrounded by a small forcefield, activating at different times with different lengths of time. the flowers grow roots/tendrils, some trying to enter the space of other flowers.

on a lighter note, my mom actually asked me when i was going to get a piercing. december i think. =)


the shirt.
the love.