it's a freezing sunday.

i'm beginning to hate my laptop. sure, its layout and everything is great. but i keep it that way. and now it's starting to become spastic and lag like shit over the stupidest things. i mean, this is a bloody MACINTOSH, and i'm running a fucking APPLE program on it, meant to run on not WINDOWS, but FUCKING MACS. and you lag??? come on. screw you.

yeah well, other than that ribbiting over the com, my day's been okay. yesterday was the bestest. Kashish's birthday party...got called up to dance with some girl called Natisha or something like that. and i got second prize, "rightfully". =D and uh. haha. dedicated a song to shish. sang for him. great eh. still can't stop thinking about it.
thanks mervyn for keeping me company the whole night...it was great. and happy birthday kash. thanks for being such a friend. wouldn't have it any other way.

church later. today's been cold and work oriented. very tiring.

can't even think about tomorrow, but there you go. it's performance day.
happy teachers' day everyone, in advance.

i'm so tired.

tired of all the behind-my-back whispering and secrets, but just tired.

well. i'm not as finished with KI as i thought i was. just hoping i get satisfactory marks.

i want money to go to uniqlo and buy all the stuff there. i want a makeover. i want a back massage.

it's a cool and fresh tuesday night.

i've finished with the main ideas of my KI research essay, leaving me to think about the bigger things in life. i can finally snap out of it for once. feel satisfied after deleting thing after thing from my to-do list on my itouch. sigh. beautiful, the feeling.

now to take a more objective view and distance myself in order to create a good essay. i will believe in myself, and i can.

tomorrow's another great day. oh i was listening to this lenka song. it's called "Live Like You're Dying". speaking of listening, i just put into my itunes a new cd: Gavin DeGraw. nice and heaty on this tuesday night. and i listened to a new band called Simian Mobile Disco tonight! they're great. just like, DISCO all the way, very repetitive but it's simply Temporary Pleasure. =)

anyway. about the lenka song.

One of these days you’ll be
under the covers you’ll be
under the table and you’ll realize
all of your days are numbered;
all of them one to one hundred.
All of them millions.
All of them trillions.
So what are you gonna do with them all?

Take every moment; you know that you own them.
It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you.

good things coming soon, it's up to me to make them good.

it's so hard just to get started on work on a nice weekend morning.
there's nothing to push you except your own fear.

XD

looking forward to sunday, meeting with PW peeps and getting started on something, together!

i've been watching lots of funerals happen the past two days. ever watched that Japanese movie "The Departed"?

there are too many things happening in too little a time. i don't wanna feel tired tmr, or any day for that matter.

i'm loving Jack Johnson right now. really.

it's helping me get off the com. right after his song. yeah, we're always better when we're together.

PW, and the Econs test.

dance.

due to popular demand, i shall publish a happy post!

HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY

wow! awesome! =))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

haha. wheeeeeeee.

it's my 500th post. what luck.

well, speaking of happyness, i am quite happy. content. not worrying so much.
here are synonyms of "happy".
blessed, blest, blissful, blithe, can't complain, captivated, cheerful, chipper, chirpy, content, contented, convivial, delighted, ecstatic, elated, exultant, flying high, gay, glad, gleeful, gratified, intoxicated, jolly, joyful, joyous, jubilant, laughing, light, lively, looking good, merry, mirthful, on cloud nine, overjoyed, peaceful, peppy, perky, playful, pleasant, pleased, sparkling, sunny, thrilled, tickled, tickled pink, up, upbeat, walking on air

i especially like the last one. and maybe "jubilant". which one's your favourite?

HAHA I AM WATCHING AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER. i really like the series.

I HAVE TO GET THIS OFF OF MY CHEST.

gahhhh i hate it hate it hate it. i hate working under peoples' expectations. it's so FUCKED. even though i say it's okay. NO IT'S NOT. when you take away all that falseness you're left with uncertainty and frustration. why can't things just fall into place?

simin's call: lady gaga. =)

JUST DANCE.

honestly, we're all just bloody sadists. really. look deep into yourself and say you aren't. masochistic? definitely. pleasure gone awry.

I guess you better go and get your armour!

haven't published anything in a looonnngg while. i think it's cuz i suddenly have this aversion to my home computers. lol. i don't like the keyboard.

anyway i just saw kim on national television! =) so happy, it was really cool. you pple should've acted wilder.
=) and i also just sent out this interesting sms about what people would want me to be if they could turn back time. i think it's interesting enough to be sent out as a mass sms, kinda like a note in phone form.

i'm on a listening spree. i've tried 3 completely new songs tonight, 1. Adele - Hometown Glory 2. Flo Rida feat. Wynter Gordan - Sugar 3. Paloma Faith - Stone Cold Sober. this one, i listed in order of my most liked to my least liked out of the three.

here are lyrics. thought they were interesting enough. stupid blogger doesn't allow me to colour them to make it more fun for you guys.

Round my hometown, memories are fresh
Round my hometown, ooh, the people I've met
Are the wonders of my world, are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of this world, are the wonders and now

I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque
I love it to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades
I like it in the city when two worlds collide
You get the people and the government
Everybody taking different sides

Have you ever been afraid of your phone?

OooOoooOoOoOooOooOooOOooOOo...

i don't know how to feel for tomorrow.
mostly peace, but some worry as well.
i don't know what to say for tomorrow.

Astrud Gilberto - The Girl From Ipanema

well, i can't run away from it.

why does the radio edit version almost always sound better than the original? sigh. it's so hard to be a purist.

anyway i need to get this off my chest before my brain forgets.
today has been a piss-y day. been feeling irritated at almost everything, i don't know why. well at least lunch and meeting some friends cheered me up abit =) dance too.

then to top the day off, i asked my parents about alternative career choices.
they misread me and became irritatingly defensive. and then it got me thinking. who's really in charge of my life?
i'm still thinking about it. i mean. i've always been content to live in the environment that was provided for me, but now?
i'm not too sure. i want to experience things for myself. maybe i'm being childish and immature. and i don't know what true hardship is. i don't know, and if i continue like this i'm certain i never will know.

you know, i just hope that someone ENCOURAGING will come along.
it's not for me to decide.
but please, please come soon.

fuck blogger.

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart

-

No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
We’re all laughing with God

-

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat.

i thought of posting lyrics, but then i figured the song sounds like shit if you just read it.
so i won't.

it's from one of the artists that i never thought i'd like in my lifetime after hearing a couple of songs from him - Damien Rice. this guy has no image, no standout style of his own. but why do you need to shout when you can whisper? (or moan, in his case).

it's called 9 crimes. i'm so excited to share it with you. it's like stars after one of the members died.

Today I am going to kill something. Anything.

I have had enough of being ignored and today

I am going to play God. It is an ordinary day,

a sort of grey with boredom stirring in the streets

I squash a fly against the window with my thumb.

We did that at school. Shakespeare. It was in

another language and now the fly is in another language.

I breathe out talent on the glass to write my name.


I am a genius. I could be anything at all, with half

the chance. But today I am going to change the world.

Something's world. The cat avoids me. The cat

knows I am a genius, and has hidden itself.

I pour the goldfish down the bog. I pull the chain.

I see that it is good. The budgie is panicking.


Once a fortnight, I walk the two miles into town

For signing on. They don't appreciate my autograph.

There is nothing left to kill. I dial the radio

and tell the man he's talking to a superstar.

He cuts me off. I get our bread-knife and go out.

The pavements glitter suddenly. I touch your arm.

women, never become paranoid.
trust your husbands.
don't read too much into things.

trust them. that's all i can say. it's frustrating. don't think too much into things. please.

A Prayer

i.
i have this fear.
that i don't really know anything, even the things i know.
and that i wanna see the world before it's too late, because i feel the urge that i don't have enough TIME.
and everything i'm doing besides studying is a complete waste of time, which is ticking away furiously and without care even as people die from it.
i.
i want.
i want to see the world.
i want the world to give me some enlightened sense of purpose.
to know what i truly want in life.
to determine if i'm sheltered or not, and how to break out of the boundary.
to experience the joy and the comfort and the confidence that others have within themselves, to personally experience it without watching any shitty inspirational videos which are pre-recorded.
it must be spontaneous. and then it must come from me, myself.

i want to see the world.
i want to feel something which i have never felt before.
i want the courage to face it and to plunge into it with all my might and heart and soul, like a bungee jump.
and i want to love it.

History is such a freaking drag. Like seriously. the content is so dry but when you miss something out you miss quite alot. Like what I'm doing now by writing this blogpost. XP alright. What is it with southeast Asian history? I mean, it should be as interesting and engaging as international history...but it isn't. Sadly. There's this guy sitting a couple of rows in front of me...can't stand his bloody guts. Tamim's from his class. Gah. Poor Lucas.

Dance DSAs later! I'm so excited. Must present myself appropriately...unortunately it's difficult to keep a straight face. My potential juniors! freaking cool. Haven't done economics...hope I can get it done I don't really see how I can. And math...sigh. This is no different, even harder than before the holidays and the exams.

I forsee the need to persevere. I'll need help and motivation...if not I'll burn out too soon.

back to the crunch.
can't say i'm looking forward to school tmr...i'm still so tired out =X after all that running around and talking overnight.

i think i'll go sleep soon.
now there's that fear again.

it's finally over.
i'm so happy inside.
i can't remember when was the last time i felt this light and overjoyed, truly.

=)

now they're not even replying. sigh. sometimes i just have time in the wrong areas. or maybe i'm losing touch.

i'm acting up and building up on my criticism skills tonight and tomorrow morning. not so much the notes. but internalising the skills and concentrating hard in the face of many distractions (e.g. my music). running them through in my mind. runrunrun. rerun.
panic.

These days it comes it comes it comes it comes it comes

so many friends leaving or overseas now. i'm missing them already. damien, pris, ashley, rachna, joy.

and goes. there goes another one.

FUCK YOU.