Lost In Translation

so anyway, Szymon and me are out of the question, for now. maybe for the rest of it. it's a fully mutual decision. i'm not really that attracted to him, tbh. he was cute before. personality is more important though. and right now i can't live with that.

Thoughts about Lost in Translation:
People from the same background sometimes need to be out of the comfort zones to fully communicate with each other.
When two people of different ages, coming from similar backgrounds, communicate, there is a veil between them that needs to be translated though.
The movie talks about alienation in a different culture. What would life be like if you couldn't communicate with others on a daily basis even about the simplest of things like transport and medicals? Would you still be happy? Would you still be able to survive?
Alienation pervades cities. It takes an outsider to fully feel the unique kind of alienation that each city offers.
Can alienation be positive?
Two souls truly communicating, heart to heart, without romance - what does it take for an outsider to judge?
Even cultures that seem very weird, even uncomfortable, to you may have things to offer you.
The artificiality of human interaction  - with each other sometimes, we jack up our voice or avoid sensitive topics just to avoid speaking from the heart about true, human issues. with machines, where the sounds coming from its speakers is juxtaposed with the real-life clicks from the buttons that you press. through the telephone, when you want the other person to be close to you, but the reality is that they're a world away and communicating through the telephone just doesn't cut it, no matter what you think - human communication is more than just a bodiless voice, a translation through a telephone.
Connecting in a non-romantic way without words. Kissing on the lips without the intent of being romantic, but more of a sign of strong, solid friendship and bonding. Goodbyes are never easy, but we just cling on to the hopeful whispers that are whispered in our ears. We know that with that, everything will be okay, and we'll get through.
Everything will be okay. You'll figure yourself and your path out. You have it in you, and you're that kind of person. Everything will be okay.

I end with this:

“Someone I loved gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.”

- Mary Oliver, “The Uses of Sorrow”

and i'm back.

this might be another one-off thing, i don't know, only time will tell.

on to more important thoughts.

This thing with Szymon really puzzles me. It seems a relationship is a lot more than make it out to be, even if they've said it, you really only start to fully understand it when you're in one. At this point in time, the lesson learnt is: communication is key, at least for me. (That rhyme wasn't on purpose, makes it feel tacky haha). No but really. Maybe I prioritise it higher than other people, or maybe I just feel like it's really really important to maintain open channels of communication between the two parties. And yes, two parties, I don't believe that I can maintain a polygamous relationship. It's just...too distracting. And it's like doing it twice. If I loved both equally, sure, but there's bound to be favourites. And I just like my partner loving me uniquely, you know? It's the sense of security, the sense of really fully accepting and taking someone's love, without compare. Well. So about Szymon. PROS: He's got fantastic features and genes, he's honest, he's straightforward, he's open, he's interesting in a non-personal sense, he's tall, he's driven and passionate even with things that aren't clear in the present, he LIKES ME a lot. CONS: He's not very communicative about his feelings, he doesn't seem to talk about his personal life at all, I don't feel like he's showing me any interest, he doesn't initiate outings or conversations, he's lacking interpersonal communication skills, his hunch, his lips, his inability to take control.

Whew, got that out. Don't know what to make of it right now, the traits all seem very superficial and I don't have much to go on about them, maybe because I haven't seen him enough, maybe because we just don't click on a personal level, maybe we're more cut out to be friends than romantic partners. I don't know, could be any of those. I don't have the energy right now to pursue the matter too - all I can say is, I want to spend more time with him and we should do something that's more than sitting down and chatting - we should go for a proper fun date with an activity or activities to play. (Then again, two guys having fun with each other will probably lead to weird judgy stares and me feeling self-conscious, and thus not having the fun that I would really want with him). Maybe the reason why it isn't working as well as it should or the reason why I'm feeling this way is because I just go out feeling too self-conscious about the whole thing, and that he's not, that's why it's more natural for him to be himself and be at ease with me, and not overthink this whole thing. I don't have the energy to pursue this - maybe because I don't love him enough from the get-go to think that he's worth the effort to get to know. I keep checking out other guys as well - what do you make of that? I don't compare them to Szymon, but when a guy is hot, I appreciate it. What does this mean? Just tell me.

I should start writing poetry again. "The blood jet is poetry,/ There is no stopping it". Ah brilliant. Like song lyrics.

Only time will tell. Effort? Do I dare? It's pushing me to say yes, still. Funny how these things push you, deep down, even when you tell yourself something contrary.

i've got a new laptop!

and i'm playing guild wars. really good game.

not much new music, except rediscovering florence and the machine. and, if i can say so, florence is my spirit animal. if i create music, i hope i can be as good as her. or at least share her spirit.

army is wrapping up, just three more months to go. yesterday a couple of people were complaining about the exact same things that my batch was complaining about, just three months late. well, we're officially super old birds (lao jiao) and they're new old birds. haha. it's things like these that mark certain changes in your life. what am i going to do after ORD? my tuition isn't really going anywhere yet, sigh. and it's been a month and countless resumes and applications later. need to check back with them again.

i'm on off today.

the unit's cycle has repeated itself. which allows me to arrive at the conclusion that in the span of one year, they haven't really progressed. which is sad, because CCM is not bad of a leader.

um. okay back to the game. =) cya peeps.

The Epitaph of Timothy

Here lies Timothy, possessor of childlike clarity and curiosity tempered with intellectual sophistication. Throughout his life, Timothy has strived for and achieved the highest form of truth: the personal one, the one that does not hide or cover up the child that he was and is, and neither has he lost his immature sense of wonderment. To all adults and grownups out there, listen and hear this: for it may be dangerous in this practical, destructive world to cast your gaze to the sky while ignoring the chaos on the ground below, the magnetism of flight is truly worth it; to see things from a point of view that you have never tried to or dared to, and while taking into account the complexity of things, never fail to prize the dreams and happy emotions that matter and make life worth living. Extremely worth living.

it's a cool lightly breezy night. i'm drifting in the sounds of Jo Hamilton. i can't wait when i get my new speakers. as of now, i haven't bought them yet, but i'm deciding on the Bose 301 bookcase ones, although they're on hindsight really really big. i don't know where to put them, maybe on my bookcase, maybe on the desk, or mounted on the wall. they're expensive though. i haven't told dad that i'll be paying for at least half of the cost of the speakers.

i feel like settling for the Bose Companion 5 ones which have a subwoofer/base module thingy, but since they're already 700 bucks, why not spend another 300 to get my dream speakers? i don't mind paying for they're investments. besides, if i move out, i can definitely bring them over to the new house. they're "portable", in a sense. not like those in-built ones.

hmm yeah Jo Hamilton. i've been thinking of attending her concert, but i'm already going for the Sigur Ros one which is in November and costed me 101 dollars. her concert is 68 dollars but i just got introduced to her music and i much prefer her album versions as compared to some of the versions that i've heard online, which are done really sparely and she uses the AirPiano, which sounds fantastic but her songs don't really go with it. but maybe i'm just not used to the sound of her voice + the AirPiano.

Jo Hamilton + Bose 301 = pure heaven.

rare opportunity to publish something...

it's 4.30am. watching the finals of euro 2012, spain versus italy.

it's 2nd july. SAF day is over. made new friends. joel, casey, pavi, jun rong, isma, darren.

see you later. it's dad's birthday. watching spiderman in 3D later at 3pm and koko geng is going to enjoy her first time watching things pop out at her from the screen XD

oh so apparently it's been 5 days since my last post. it doesn't feel that long though.

this is gonna be a short one because i'm feeling tired and lethargic. i hardly get lethargy. i just can't sleep as well as i used to, which is a blessing, mostly.

um, i'm reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery, and i haven't finished the book, but i've already ordered another one from her. she's really good. and French. but mostly good, because being French isn't the point.

and i've been thinking if i should write these posts out on actual paper instead of typing it out because then it feels more authentic. i have to get a really nice journal diary thing though. something rustic and, that Japanese word as Renee calls it.

i had this scary thought that i'm addicted to Diablo 3. which i probably am. so i am going to cut down on thinking about it. and thinking about it in a medicinal, remedial way. i'm not sure how hard it's going to be, but i must wean myself back to a healthy level of enjoyment in Diablo and not excessive addiction.

glad that thought's out.

okay.

a change in blogskin will be due soon.

hmmm well it's the afternoon and i'm going to move out at about 3.45pm for platoon cohesion. i've got something to say about long weekends, especially if you need to go to work in the middle of the last day of the long weekend, which is that the phenomenon tends to leave you unprepared and feeling abit homesick. hmm maybe this doesn't apply to normal 8-5 workdays, but i do feel it when staying in for army. it's because this period is in the middle of the hectic SAF Day preparation. so we need to stay in. wow i played diablo for almost 6 hours from 9 in the morning. looks like i didn't run this whole weekend. well, vegetating. oh yeah i snuck out to meet up with Gabriel, Adeeb and the rest of the v13 class instead of going for Japanese tuition on Saturday, because of Amanda coming back from the UK. i guess i'll kinda regret it but anyhow, it just makes me a stronger learner because i'll be somewhat racked with the guilt of it. i hope. hahahahaha. strange things going on in my head. um i think i should bathe soon. there's a kind of funny tendency to try smelling yourself when you're smelly, right? hahaha maybe it's just me. ah. alright see you peace out going to bathe. and cool, this is my second post, post-blog apocalypse.

oh wow. hello everyone, firstly. blogger has a new look. i haven't updated this blog in like 2 years, so this is kinda bittersweet. my new obsession is Hobbie Stuart, and Florence + the Machine, and Marina and the Diamonds is just becoming mainstream. and Sia has just appeared on "Wild Ones" and "Titanium". okay now that we have a sense of placement, let's start. Hobbie Stuart's "Payphone" video just came out and it's running in the background. it's 17th June 2012, Father's Day. just got back from church and overpriced spending at Cold Storage. well, here is the main body. the main reason why i'm restarting this blog is because i think i have things to say. not to regress back to the emo kid that i was (however emo i was then), but this is seriously more of a reflection. um, the main serious things on my mind right now: i wish the first thing could be getting a boyfriend, but my priorities aren't quite there yet and i'd prefer to not think of myself as that desperate so yeah. i'm probably getting a new computer, although i don't know how to convince dad and mum. i feel like i do need it though, because it's important for someone who spends this much time still in front of the computer to have a good desktop that he can rely on. whether it's superfluous, time will tell. i wanna get my mind up and running and constantly prepared for university entry and studying next year Aug 2013 so i'm starting this blog again. just to type and get a feel of computers and keep my phrasing and wit up. to handle the pressure and the stresses and the potential backstabbing of university life. (hmm sidethought while i'm looking at the new features and taking a glance around, should i make this blog completely private? should i let commenters comment? a new blogskin? so many things to do. and i don't even know if i'm gonna post here again.) oh yeah i should explain why i shifted back to blogger from tumblr. basically, tumblr was a phase, and i now feel that there are not enough words in my life. then it was pictures, because the A levels were a bitch and had too many words in it. too many words that just didn't cut it and didn't properly express what they were thinking of. um okay where were we. oh yeah my concerns at this moment, the 17th of June, about 3 months after my 20th birthday and about 6 months to ORD. btw, i'm starting to give tuition classes in August of this year to keep my brain up and running. Daniel, Joel and Luke. all from the Istana platoon. okay well maybe Luke not so much because of you know. well you probably don't know since this is my first post in a long time. oh yeah i did up my resume yesterday. i based it on Simin's resume. it's coming along fine, thank you. well i was never any good with parting words. so i'm just gonna leave it here and hope that i come back to type more and say more and phrase more. and get back to where i was, or better, now with slightly more emotional experience. NEW AND IMPROVED!

hello my lovely fuckers.

=)

i'm ready to show you my new blog.

p.s. i got abit overexcited and just started posting and reblogging and experimenting. feel free to drop me questions on tumblr. =)

he will ease, he will ease, he will ease, he will ease
he will ease my mind.
fill my heart, fill my heart, fill my heart, fill my heart
fill my heart with blood.
he will carry me, carry me, carry me, carry me.
he was a fortune teller, he was a fortune teller.

"Chico" - The Concretes

fucking fucking fucking fucking history.

it makes me sick and mad to think that the things that i studied so hard for didn't appear in the exam. makes me sick to my stomach.

oh god, please let the exams be over soon, i wasn't made for this.

"children suffering in hunger, poverty-stricken entire villages and peoples, desert land struggling to survive, the fishermen netting less and less catch, people dying in the street and freezing every night in the cold with long grey lines stretching as far as the eye can see and the soul can take."

"broken families with children, weatherworn working class drudgery."

the 1990s?

the moment I let go of it
was the moment I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down

how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping

- Alanis Morissette, "Thank U"

or life?

once you stay at home for too long, you tend to notice how often you drink water. like seriously, i get so conscious of it, don't know about you.

it's been too long since i've heard such Arcade Fire lyrics that touch my heart and soul in that same powerful hopeful-hopeless way, their grandiose style reflected in their lyrics that speak to everyone and no one at the same time. dancing in some old-fashioned ballroom where time stood still but dust still settles, in their old-fashioned clothing using faded instruments.

anyway the reason for poetic structures is because the poets get so tired of free verse that they need a challenge. less so because of the meaning that the structure conveys, i think. more of the challenge.

coming back,

don't you think of this?

They heard me singing and they told me to stop
Quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock
These days my life, I feel it has no purpose
But late at night the feelings swim to the surface

Living in the sprawl
Dead shopping malls rise like mountains beyond mountains
And there's no end in sight
I need the darkness, someone please cut the lights

youtube is the best thing ever invented. hyperbolic, of course.

prepare for sublime guitar-jangling and a different kind of trip.


The Sundays - Here's Where The Story Ends


The Drums - Down By The Water


Bat For Lashes - Prescilla
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it's a friday night.

the night has this friday vibe, i feel it in my soul, my mind's not even thinking of studying. perhaps a slight nagging feeling, but very little nevertheless. =)

well. i just wish it were over, so we can get on with our lives. my current craze.

i've got no motivation to study.

oh gosh. even ice cream doesn't taste good anymore.

i don't care if you agree or disagree with me.

i just want to find a way for myself to get off my lazy ass once again and start studying.

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Fuck is an English word that is generally considered profane which, in its most literal meaning, refers to the act of sexual intercourse. However, by extension it may be used to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled, or destroyed.

"Fuck" can be used as a verb, adverb, adjective, command, interjection, noun, and canlogically be used as virtually any word in a sentence (e.g., "Fuck the fucking fuckers"). Moreover, it is one of the few words in the English language which could be applied as an infix(e.g., "Am I sexy? Absofuckinglutely!"; "Bullfuckingshit!"). It has various metaphorical meanings. The verb "to be fucked" can mean "to be cheated" (e.g., "I got fucked by a scam artist"), or alternatively, to be sexually penetrated. As a noun "a fuck" or "a fucker" may describe a contemptible person. "A fuck" may mean an act of copulation. The word can be used as an interjection, and its participle is sometimes used as a strong emphatic. The verb to fuck may be used transitively or intransitively, and it appears in compounds, including fuck off,fuck up, "fuck you", and fuck with. In less explicit usages (but still regarded as vulgar), fuck orfuck with can mean to mess around, or to deal with unfairly or harshly. In a phrase such as "don't give a fuck", the word is the equivalent of "damn", in the sense of something having little value. In "what the fuck!", it serves merely as an intensive. If something is very abnormal or annoying "this is fucked up!" may be said.

just had to post this picture, it's too good.

gosh i cried so hard.

okay, i just had to, okay??

THIS IS YOUR BAPTISM!!!!

Crystal Castles - Baptism