why does the radio edit version almost always sound better than the original? sigh. it's so hard to be a purist.

anyway i need to get this off my chest before my brain forgets.
today has been a piss-y day. been feeling irritated at almost everything, i don't know why. well at least lunch and meeting some friends cheered me up abit =) dance too.

then to top the day off, i asked my parents about alternative career choices.
they misread me and became irritatingly defensive. and then it got me thinking. who's really in charge of my life?
i'm still thinking about it. i mean. i've always been content to live in the environment that was provided for me, but now?
i'm not too sure. i want to experience things for myself. maybe i'm being childish and immature. and i don't know what true hardship is. i don't know, and if i continue like this i'm certain i never will know.

you know, i just hope that someone ENCOURAGING will come along.
it's not for me to decide.
but please, please come soon.

fuck blogger.

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart

-

No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
We’re all laughing with God

-

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat.

i thought of posting lyrics, but then i figured the song sounds like shit if you just read it.
so i won't.

it's from one of the artists that i never thought i'd like in my lifetime after hearing a couple of songs from him - Damien Rice. this guy has no image, no standout style of his own. but why do you need to shout when you can whisper? (or moan, in his case).

it's called 9 crimes. i'm so excited to share it with you. it's like stars after one of the members died.

Today I am going to kill something. Anything.

I have had enough of being ignored and today

I am going to play God. It is an ordinary day,

a sort of grey with boredom stirring in the streets

I squash a fly against the window with my thumb.

We did that at school. Shakespeare. It was in

another language and now the fly is in another language.

I breathe out talent on the glass to write my name.


I am a genius. I could be anything at all, with half

the chance. But today I am going to change the world.

Something's world. The cat avoids me. The cat

knows I am a genius, and has hidden itself.

I pour the goldfish down the bog. I pull the chain.

I see that it is good. The budgie is panicking.


Once a fortnight, I walk the two miles into town

For signing on. They don't appreciate my autograph.

There is nothing left to kill. I dial the radio

and tell the man he's talking to a superstar.

He cuts me off. I get our bread-knife and go out.

The pavements glitter suddenly. I touch your arm.

women, never become paranoid.
trust your husbands.
don't read too much into things.

trust them. that's all i can say. it's frustrating. don't think too much into things. please.

A Prayer

i.
i have this fear.
that i don't really know anything, even the things i know.
and that i wanna see the world before it's too late, because i feel the urge that i don't have enough TIME.
and everything i'm doing besides studying is a complete waste of time, which is ticking away furiously and without care even as people die from it.
i.
i want.
i want to see the world.
i want the world to give me some enlightened sense of purpose.
to know what i truly want in life.
to determine if i'm sheltered or not, and how to break out of the boundary.
to experience the joy and the comfort and the confidence that others have within themselves, to personally experience it without watching any shitty inspirational videos which are pre-recorded.
it must be spontaneous. and then it must come from me, myself.

i want to see the world.
i want to feel something which i have never felt before.
i want the courage to face it and to plunge into it with all my might and heart and soul, like a bungee jump.
and i want to love it.

History is such a freaking drag. Like seriously. the content is so dry but when you miss something out you miss quite alot. Like what I'm doing now by writing this blogpost. XP alright. What is it with southeast Asian history? I mean, it should be as interesting and engaging as international history...but it isn't. Sadly. There's this guy sitting a couple of rows in front of me...can't stand his bloody guts. Tamim's from his class. Gah. Poor Lucas.

Dance DSAs later! I'm so excited. Must present myself appropriately...unortunately it's difficult to keep a straight face. My potential juniors! freaking cool. Haven't done economics...hope I can get it done I don't really see how I can. And math...sigh. This is no different, even harder than before the holidays and the exams.

I forsee the need to persevere. I'll need help and motivation...if not I'll burn out too soon.

back to the crunch.
can't say i'm looking forward to school tmr...i'm still so tired out =X after all that running around and talking overnight.

i think i'll go sleep soon.
now there's that fear again.

it's finally over.
i'm so happy inside.
i can't remember when was the last time i felt this light and overjoyed, truly.

=)

now they're not even replying. sigh. sometimes i just have time in the wrong areas. or maybe i'm losing touch.

i'm acting up and building up on my criticism skills tonight and tomorrow morning. not so much the notes. but internalising the skills and concentrating hard in the face of many distractions (e.g. my music). running them through in my mind. runrunrun. rerun.
panic.

These days it comes it comes it comes it comes it comes

so many friends leaving or overseas now. i'm missing them already. damien, pris, ashley, rachna, joy.

and goes. there goes another one.

FUCK YOU.

hello people.

the big big hurdle is over. i think i'll be able to flow easily from now.
=)

i wanted to say something important...oh yes michael jackson! i won't be able to tune in tonight (or rather, tomorrow morning) at 1am but i wish michael all the best that can possibly be, and for him to rest in peace.

right now just quite stony. it's the pre-sleep mode...can't think of anything to say.
the next couple of days are going to be quite intense. work work and work.

tgigtbf.

Watching the sky
Watching a painting coming to life
Shifting and shaping
Staying inside
It all goes all goes by

whatever happens, you'll still be here, alive.
it's enough to be happy. =)

Posting from tuition.
Oh no.

/no point worrying, let it be done with it. no point worrying. if you want, worry during the exam, and then stop after 10 seconds. that's all you get.

a round of applause @ me is due.

i SURVIVED a whole day.
i SURVIVED a whole day at home almost by myself doing work HARD, and it was MATH. =) actually ENJOYED (yes, ENJOYED) the process to some small extent. don't know how. but yeah today was an interesting day. =) i've got some theories that jumped out of my mind but they're so not for here. heh.

okay! so. my blogskin rocks. and today i also found this guy (or girl, whatever) who does really really good pictures. one of my favourite collections (actually, my FAVOURITE) collection from the person is this series depicting the SEVEN DEADLY SINS. very very good artworks.

um...so yeah. i kept myself occupied today hooray! didn't feel bored one bit. alternating between tv, work and the computer. i even did something for PW. hahaha. yeah. this feels good. although i'm quite tired and i feel like having another bath.

FAB fabulous song i found yesterday and downloaded today. can't can't can't stop listening to it! found it on mtv or channel v...can't remember which one. ah yes channel v. the video's spectacular. was mesmerised watching it. here are some lyrics...but they don't channel the song or do it justice! you have to LISTEN to it!

oh yes it's EGO by BEYONCE!

It's too big, it's too wide
It's too strong, it won't fit
It's too much, it's too tough
I talk like this 'cause I can back it up

at home at 9.25am! when people are legally in school having chinese tests. feels kinda great =)

anyway not many things to say now. today's plan: study from about 1 to 5 at the airport. good one gaille.

here's a toast to my new blogskin! iloveit. DROWN YOU IN WARMTH.

I swear, math goes against the very fiber of my being. I could really feel the counterlogic being ingrained and infecting my reasoning habits with every painful mathematical step I took today.

I'm sorry to all my fantastic math teachers, but you should have chosen a more fulfilling subject to teach/ career to pursue in life.

God bless.

Anyway after a good night's sleep I am looking FORWARD to the dance meeting later :) I feel so at home and I hope the dancers feel the same way. I want to do something, just don't know where to start.

Got the project work entry proof this morning. Serves as a reminder to what's coming up and going to cause me ever more stress. Aiyo. I sound so hedonistic.

it's. under. control. i swear.

on what, i don't know. lol! my friends are my personal blogs. so fun when you think about it.

ARHGHGHGHGGG I HAVE MATHS TUITION TONIGHT. THE FIRST AFTER LIKE 7 MONTHS OF FREEDOM. back to bondage. ahhhh. why, maths? i have a serious love-hate relationship with it. when i'm doing it with a good teacher i love it but ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT I JUST GET MYSELF DAZED AND FRUSTRATED AND DEMORALISED!!!

great lah. thanks so much, school. unnecessary stress. just what i need. i'm so sick of living and breathing under the shadow of the monster next week. what are exams anyway? they're just black and white sheets of paper that somehow terrify the shit out of people. seriously. it's just like art. FUCKING HYPOCRITES.

anyway. helloooooo wheeeeeee. i hate to see myself reduced to a shriveling, yowling pile of emo. so i'm going to be EXPRESSIVE. wait, i always am. hahaha.

and i just discovered i'm not the only one listening to LA ROUX! rock on derrick!

okay. iCarly rocks. go watch it. Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide is funny, but i think it progresses too quickly for me to enjoy or take in. haha. are they trying to grow the next generation of multi-taskers? when i think about it, it just seems like a half-hour of 5-second long skits put together. or maybe 5-second slapstick jokes chained together under a title. not to put the show down or anything, just wondering if the tv has any ulterior motives. GRR.
some colour, yes? -the computer won't let me post pictures.

I'm remarkably tired.
Goodnight people. I'll see most of you in the morning.

Don't know if I'm excited or not in going back to school. It was exhilarating but tiring. Well, just hope it's more of the joy and less of the fatigue.

Speaking of joy, JOY YOUR LEAVE WAS SO SUDDEN! haha I still have things to do with you that I can't recall at this moment. :) really hope you'll miss us but still be happy over there! Europe's an exciting place. Maybe you can grab a couple of friends and go backpacking. :P

i'm sick of this.
SHOES.



and introducing...my crush.



Astrud Gilberto - The Girl From Ipanema

ahhhh i have a huge crush on bossa nova now. my gosh. the texture. it's so beautiful! after researching for awhile, i discover that in jazz or bossa nova the voice is extremely important. i didn't like magdalene peyroux's, that's why i didn't enjoy jazz as much as i should have. =P those brazilian voices are really unique. the flavour is something i've never heard before. the dynamics are so plain...so different from american music. they can imitate, but all the greats are from south america.

respect.

MICHAEL JACKSON DIED.