typing my essay out.

as i type my thoughts get more convoluted and more seemingly intelligent but sometimes i wonder if there's any real thought behind them as compared to writing.

i have never seen a person really having a "role model", only knowing people who they DON'T, secretly DON'T, wanna become or be in their situation. it's a terrible thing, that. it's a kind of self-threatening and instilling of fear. which is terrible because i think people should not live with that kind of fear in their lives so constantly.