so.

it's been a weird sunday.

the kind where you outwardly agree with your conservative parents, but then a while later (hours) you think back about the conversation and it was totally forced and not genuine and the explanations mounted by the opposition were actually completely fallacious.

it makes me upset and frustrated. but as these emotions calm down, mostly sad. sad that i have to endure this. their stereotyping - indians are constantly referred to as drunks, and malays as lazy. this kind of mindset is atrocious at this day and age. and they brought in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, and used it against me. as if self-actualisation without going through the first few rungs is actually undesirable. well, fuck you. that is ad hominem. my views aren't less valid just because i didn't struggle my way up.

i need to let this go. this is a symptom of the issue between my parents and i, and not the actual thing. so i shouldn't get upset over this. just gotta let it go.
it's humiliating though, getting power-played out of your stance. most of the time i just sit there and nod, because if i cut them it would only make them angrier. they do not know how to debate without getting heated or personal. and that makes me emotionally involved too, especially when there are glaring errors in their argument that i'm not brave enough to raise to their faces.

a really mean thought occurred to me: we'll just wait till they're dependent on me. and then the fun can happen. it's a sick thought, but it strangely makes me happy in a perverse kind of way. it puzzles me, why i get this feeling from such a bad thought. i guess it's a primal thing. the deed serves no purpose whatsoever, except for the momentary feeling of elation at their suffering. sadism, or schadenfreude.

that was kinda dark. so music! i've been listening to Edith Piaf a bit, and some rock music too from 30 Seconds to Mars because i've been feeling stressed the past two weeks.

sweet electronica just doesn't cut it at the moment, like Frou Frou. too insubstantial, too ethereal, too dreamlike to actually be useful to my demanding, intensely unsettled emotions.